I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
that's an acceptable place to lick
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
