my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
