i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I understand Curling. That high.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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