I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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