I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
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