something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
