i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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