I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
