Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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