Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
