But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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