I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
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