I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Randomize
