The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
