He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize