I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
