im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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