I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Randomize
