My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
