I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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