I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
