And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize