Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
