she woke up with a sticky ear
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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