turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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