btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
