i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
please come you make the beer taste better
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
