If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
