There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
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