Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
