Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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