1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
