I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize