This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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