Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
