Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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