During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
