Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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