My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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