This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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