dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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