the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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