I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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