She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
i think im in europe. pls send help
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
