i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
