Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
