you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
bring money and cleavage
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Randomize
