Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
