So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
