hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
