party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
