What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
