worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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