lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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