I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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