you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
