I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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