She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Randomize
