I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
