I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
