eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
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