You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
