rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
