I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
