dude i'm inner monologue high
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
