Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
