My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
