Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
