Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
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