i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
