Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
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