i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
