I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
