If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
