we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize